Created by keith one year ago
Here’s a couple of tiny snapshots of a man who could be fearlessly funny and was truly unforgettable. John had an incredible mastery of the English language. He was the only man who could make the most potent four-letter swear word sound like an endearing term of affection. We had several memorable holidays with John. At the time, he was somewhat dismissive of my keep fit efforts and always used to enquire, whilst paraphrasing Kate Bush: ‘you been running up that ‘effin hill again???’. He suggested that the rewards for my efforts manifested themselves thus: ‘you’ve got the body of a 29-year-old and the face of a 99-year old’ (I think I was about 38 at the time). On a trip to Florence, I suggested it would be a great idea for us to climb up the inner steps to the Duomo - the stunning largest ecclesiastical vault in the world. The magical splendour, peace and sanctity of the Cathedral was a little disturbed by the voice of John wheezing up the stone steps behind me promising to effin’ kill me if we ever got down again. At a lovely dinner at the Waterside Inn, we were perusing the menus and I said to John: ‘Nice isn’t it? I think Michel Roux even comes round and shakes your hand during the meal’. He immediately responded: ‘at these prices I’d want him to come round and w**k me off’. On a surprise 40th birthday trip, my wife organised a ‘limo’ to take us from Plymouth airport to a hotel. As the car drew up, John said: ‘that’s not a limo…that’s a hearse’. It did look like a funeral car. He proceeded to mercilessly lampoon the driver for the entire journey, as only he could. At my 50th birthday he decided to do some impromptu breakdancing with my very reluctant business partner. I returned to the room just in time to see John playfully dangling him upside-down by his legs.